How do I deal with my crush wanting to be friends?

We used to be really close friends until I got really close to him and the crush was almost borderline obsessive.. Its been about a month now and I really haven't talked to him at all, and the few times that I do see him I try to be as boring as possible so he would not try to approach me again.. yet he still does.





It's so hard because I know if I try to be friends again with him I'll start forming the huge crush again and I just can't do that to myself. It's also hard to treat one of your friends like crap when they really didn't do anything. Sigh. This is terrible...How do I deal with my crush wanting to be friends?
Maybe you should tell him that, so even if you have to steer clear of him, he'll know it's not because you don't like him. Regardless, you need to distance and time to get over him.





Good luck mate.How do I deal with my crush wanting to be friends?
my good firned morgan is here to help you. his SN is s0ldierunderfire.
Well, as suggested here, I DID tell him that I liked him too much, and that I thought It'd be better if I did other things besides ';hanging out with him.';


But, if your crush is anything like the couple few I have had, it isnt quite this simple.


Instead, any act of abandoning the friendship is going to be perceived as an act of aggression against him.


If you leave you will have hurt him, and he'll hate you for it.


Or. You can stay and make him happy, except you'll have to deal with the insanity of your own emotions about him





Nice choices, arent they.





I dont have alot to offer you in a way to resolve this. Only my own experiences.





Firstly, let me say, being gay isnt something that Im very comfortable with. And this has significantly complicated the interaction between me and my crush. If you dont have to deal with this part of it, you are way ahead in the game.





Secondly, and this is an observation Ive tried to realize in my own current dilema: your emotions arent the only ones in play here. His count too. This is two people, two souls...even just at the level of friendship, HE counts too. He might not be gay, but he still has feelings, and losing your friendship will matter to him. Try to remember that. Because it does matter to him, more then you might think. I know thats nearly painful to realize, and you'd probably rather it not be that way...but its very likely the truth. Esp if you guys were once close friends--I just know all to well all about this scenario, and what this is like. It totally sucks, but it just probably will matter a great deal to him what you do or do not do here.





Finally, communication. My previous crush and I were FORCED to communicate because of work. I hated it, and it was infinitely difficult and unstable. But, in the end, I think its THE only reason why we ended up having a positive repore today (btw, I am over him now as a result of my current crush).


With my current crush, I have chosen (since I have the choice, unlike my previous crush) to cease all communication and speak not to no one anything at all about him or it (my crush). Nor do I speak to him. I can tell you, this has worked to my detriment. If this is somebody you have to see every day, I would encourage you to keep the lines of communication open, even if its quite limited. If you can find a way to switch shifts, or go to a different school, or graduate and move on and away from him, great. But, if its a situation where you cant avoid seeing him most days, then I think you kind of have to swallow those emotions and try to be cordial, and keep it brief, but open. Its very difficult, and very painful. I know that it is. But, until you can truly get away (ie., graduate, and maybe move to a different state!), I think you kind of have to suffer thru it.


Because abandoning him altogether will probably bring you even more grief then you are currently suffering.





As a side note. My previous crush, with whom which I experienced such profound insanity I nearly ended it ALL. Now that I am over him, and because we were so required to interact together, I can now cherish some very fond memories of me and him. Particularly, an evening of working together Christmas week, 2005. Perhaps the moon and the stars were all in line with the planets--I dunno. But, it was like a night of heaven. Because I rose above the conflict of my emotions, and expressed my love to him as a friend instead. Because I gave and gave and gave, with all of my heart, and all of the love that I held for him and our friendship. And he reciprocated and reciprocated and reciprocated, with every ounce of love he could possibly have for a friend. On an emotional level, we loved that night in a way few people ever get to share. Sure, he was str8, and of course it was non-sexual. But, the intensity of it surpassed anything sexual anyways. I guess Im just thankful I was strong enough (at least in that instance) to show him how much I truly cared about him, and the gift of him being receptive to that level of a friendship...its so rare in life.


I get to keep that as a memory now, as does he. It wouldnt have been possible though without communication.





So. As tough as it is, dont let it go bad, dont let it go sour, dont let it go evil. Keep the communication lines open.





Because, with my current crush, and the lack of communication things are pretty bad. And its pretty awful. And, its not what I meant, and its not what I wanted. And, theres so much damage now, I dont think theres anything left to be repaired.





So. In conclusion:





You must accept that you are gay and embrace that (if you havent already done so).





Remember that your emotions arent the only ones in play here. His count too.





Keep the lines of communication open.





Finally. Perhaps some day you will be over him, and be able to look back fondly upon the good times you once shared together (much like I have been able to do with my previous c